Heaven is an awesome place

by Angela on December 17, 2012

newtown-ribbonIt’s been an emotionally draining weekend, to say the least.  My kids are 9 and 5….innocent, fearless, happy, sheltered (thankfully by my choice), and they love school.  I chose not to proactively tell them about the events in Newtown, CT.  I imagine they will hear about it in school.  Then I will be honest, age-appropriate and reassuring.

At school pick-up on Friday my 5 year old ran to me as he always does, and literally jumped into my arms.  I held him extra tight.  I so needed that as I choked back tears.  Other moms and I hugged and fought the tears.  How could someone do this to innocent little boys and girls?  And certainly, not forgotten, are our educators.  They go to school every day to be with our kids, teach our kids, protect our kids.  Some died in the line of duty on Friday.  They deserve a medal of honor.

My kids went straight to a playdate on Friday after school so they were oblivious to the events unfolding, as it should be.  Meanwhile I curled in front of my TV, tears running down my face, watching the news coverage, only pulling it together just in time to pick them up.  And that is how the weekend went for me.  Tearing up, fighting tears, then trying to pull it together.  This happened when putting the kids to bed, when watching TV where they held a moment of silence, in church where we prayed for the victims and families.

Why does evil happen to children?  I’m seeing it too much lately.  I have no answer.

I told my kids about Owen.  In fact, he is now a permanent fixture in their bedtime prayers, right along with praying for our dog, fish and hermit crab in heaven, we pray for Owen in Heaven.  Deena told me that’s just where he’d want to be, among the animals.  I find comfort in saying his name every night.  It is always a reminder to enjoy every moment.  Now I have another reminder.

I have nothing insightful to say.  No explanation, no blame to place, no comforting words.  I just have prayers.  Prayers for the innocent lives lost.  Prayers for the loved ones left behind.  Prayers for everyone touched by this tragedy.

Saturday was Owen’s 17th birthday.  Here is what I am picturing…on Friday I imagine a teenage boy just chillin’ in Heaven, when this group of 20 young children show up.  Owen, in his cool, calm, fun way welcomes these children to this awesome place called Heaven and tells them about his grand birthday party and how they are all invited.  And as is typical of 6 and 7 year olds, they LOVE the idea of a birthday party.  So Saturday was a big party in Heaven.  That makes me smile and I hope it makes you smile too.

Happy birthday Owen!

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I had a dream…

by Angela on December 14, 2012

I have to tell you all about my dream last night.  It takes the cake (no pun intended).  But first let me give you some back story.

Three weeks ago the hubby agreed to try Paleo again with me.  This was right after Thanksgiving, naturally, and we were ready to detox a bit.  I poured over borrowed books and the Internet to prepare ourselves, writing down meals and making shopping lists.  But after 3 weeks of doing this (yay us!), forget all the info out there.  I think I can sum up Paleo in two sentences.  Eat meat, seafood, fresh fruits, fresh vegetables and nuts.   Do not eat dairy, grains, sugars, and legumes (beans and peanuts).

And there you have it!  :)

Seriously though, that pretty much sums it up, the idea being to detox our bodies of allergens and processed foods.  So what did we eat?

Breakfast:  paleo-friendly muffins (made with almond flour instead of wheat flour), bacon, sausage, sweet potatoes or acorn squash, fruit smoothies, avocado smoothies (with almond milk)

Lunch:  Dinner leftovers, sweet potatoes, salads with tuna or salmon or chicken

Dinner:  Meat or fish with a side of vegetables or two

Snack:  almonds, muffins, Lara bars (all natural fruit and nut bars), fresh fruit

It’s really become a pretty simple “diet” to follow after my last epic fail.  I think it helps to have the hubby on board.

But I have faltered.  It’s been very secretive actually.  He didn’t know about it.  But there’s these things called holiday cookies and holiday chocolates that are sitting around my house.  I.  Can’t.  Resist.  It’s horrible.  I really get to the point where I’m like “screw it”…I want a cookie so I’m going to eat a cookie.  I’m talking 2 or 3 at a time, like Cookie Monster.  But the guilt was starting to settle in.

So last night I had this dream.  I was sitting next to the hubby and he was looking at me with disappointment as I pigged out on…wait for it….a block of cream cheese covered in vanilla pudding!  What the….???  I mean, if that’s not my conscious speaking loud and clear to me, I don’t know what is!  Did you know I woke up and immediately told him about my dream and WHY I had that dream?  I could never be a secret spy, that’s for sure.

Today I had a couple Hershey kisses and will be enjoying food and cocktails at the hubby’s company get-together.  What could tonight’s dreams possibly bring?

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Lessons learned: Pap smears do not pick up all kinds of female reproductive system cancers

by Deena on December 13, 2012

So

Lessons learned…

So I should start by saying no I’m not particularly worried… It could be me being extremely naïve or it could be because I just took one of my son’s Percocet. Why am I taking my son’s medicine? Well, that requires me to go back a bit.

Basically, I wasn’t paying attention to my body or my health for the past two years. I thought I was. I was eating right, I was exercising when I could. But I was ignoring symptoms that I should have been paying attention to. I can justify myself by saying well I was taking care of my terminally ill son. No one is going to argue with me. But I know the truth… I noticed the symptoms I just pushed them to the back of my mind because there were too many other things that needed my focus, my time. I figured they were just stress related.  I’m also quite sure that if anyone (including my son) had known they would have yelled so loudly that I would have been at the doctors the next day. But I didn’t say anything and well guess what…. the symptoms kept getting worse.

So about a month ago I started scheduling all those doctors appointments, dental appointments, etc. that I had neglected to do for two years. One of those happened to be my annual OB/GYN exam. Yes fun times. I know Angela detailed her experience in an earlier article so I won’t recap what that appointment is like since they are all basically the same. Except this time towards the end of the appointment, after my doctor had finished the internal exam she says “Well, that’s it unless you have any questions“. I should state that I was so close to just saying “no”.

Me: “Um yes, just one. I’ve been bleeding more than usual. I’m guessing that since I’m pushing forty that maybe my hormones or something are out of whack?”

This is when I notice a look of concern cross over her face… and I think oh ****, here comes an answer I don’t want to hear.

Dr:
How long has this been going on?

Me: 6 months maybe? (what I don’t say is honestly I can’t remember how long – it could have been longer… it only started becoming more and more of a nuisance)

Dr:
Well, we’re going to do some tests.

Me:
Ok please just give it to me straight – I’ve spent the last 2 years in pediatric cancer hell… so just say what you’re thinking. I won’t fall apart.

Dr:
It could be a couple things; hormonal imbalance, thickening of the uterine lining, polyps, and/or cancer.

Me: Wouldn’t the Pap Smear pick up the cancer?(ignoring all of the other possibilities that seem insignificant when that C word is tossed out)

Dr:
No, Pap Smears only pick up cervical cancer, they do not pick up uterine (Endometrial) cancer. So we are going to schedule two tests an ultrasound and a biopsy.

Me:
ok (shaking head because I cannot believe we’re having this discussion)

 

So a couple weeks ago I went in for my ultrasound appointment. It went something like this:

Don’t eat anything, but drink a couple large bottle of water… and don’t use the restroom just hold it. The more fluid the better the imaging will be. While it’s not the worse procedure ever it wasn’t entirely comfortable. They do both an internal and external ultrasound, I’d say the worst part was just the waiting and wondering if they were seeing anything. The technician told me up front that she couldn’t provide any details that my doctor would have to share the results with me. Thankfully, my doctor calls me the next day with the results “they didn’t see anything in the ultrasound“.

Me: “Yeah, so we’re good”

Dr: ” Well, I still want to do a biopsy. We can do it here in the office next week“.

So I got about a split second relief from my ultrasound results….

 

The following week I head into the dr’s office for a biopsy…. The biopsy was performed in one of their regular patient rooms – feet in stirrups, slide down on the table… you know the drill. Only this time they insert a long needle in to numb my cervix which stings. Then they dilate my cervix and using what looked like a very small tube scraped a couple sections of my uterus. I’m not going to lie, it hurt, but it was manageable. The biopsy was sent off to a lab and exactly 5 days later I had the results from my doctor.

Dr: “I have your results, there are polyps in your uterus”

Me:
” Polyps are benign right?”

Dr:
“Usually, but I want to remove them for further testing. I’m scheduling you for surgery”.

 

And today was surgery day: The proper term for the surgery was a D&C (dilation and curettage) and a hysteroscopy.

I checked in to the hospital and they almost immediately hooked me up to an IV. Prior to surgery they gave me something to take the edge off – which stung a lot when they put it in the IV but 2 seconds later I was laughing like a fool. Then they rolled me back to the OR put an oxygen mask on me and told me to take a couple deep breaths … next thing I know I’m waking up in recovery. I can’t complain about the recovery I was not in any pain just extremely tired. The Dr. handed my husband a prescription for some kind of painkiller to which I said ” I feel fine you don’t need to fill that”. She says “You’re going to most likely be really uncomfortable for 3 days – you should fill it“. They released me from the hospital a little while later. After telling me I should have the final results in 5-7 days.

The rest of the day consisted of me laying on the couch in a semi-conscious state… until later in the evening when the hospital pain meds must have worn off. Then all I can compare it to is that I feel like I did after I gave birth… not quite to the same extreme but just overwhelmingly sore/uncomfortable. To the point that I first threatened to send my 2 kids to bed at 6PM… before realizing that it made more sense for me to drug myself and send myself to bed. (Thus where my son’s pain meds come in since I forbid my husband to fill the hospital orders… another lesson learned)

So based on all this excitement in my life – I wanted to make sure that everyone knows (because I didn’t) – that Pap smears do not pick up all kinds of female reproductive system cancers. A Pap smear samples cervical cells to check for abnormalities – and thus is really good at detecting pre-cancerous or cancer of the cervix (Cervical Cancer). So if I had gone with the “I’m not going to say anything about the fact that I am bleeding more than normal since they are testing me anyway”; I would have missed a potentially significant health issue.

 

The main symptoms for uterine cancer are abnormal bleeding (heavier than normal cycles, more than one cycle a month, etc) and pressure or pain your pelvis.

 

The main risks are as follows according to the CDC:

  • Are older than 50.
  • Are obese (have an abnormally high, unhealthy amount of body fat).
  • Take estrogen by itself (without progesterone) for hormone replacement during menopause.
  • Have had trouble getting pregnant, or have had fewer than five periods in a year before starting menopause.
  • Take tamoxifen, a drug used to treat certain types of breast cancer.
  • Have close family members who have had uterine,
    colon, or ovarian cancer.

While I won’t know the results for another week I feel pretty comfortable based on discussions with my doctor and the risks listed above that my results will be benign. But of course I’ll be a lot more confident when I get those final results back.

So please listen to your body, early diagnosis is the key in so many illnesses…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Season of Giving

by Angela on December 3, 2012

This time last year I was all over my Random Acts of Kindness advent calendar.  I had good intentions of doing it again this year for the kids, but December 1st snuck up on me and I just wasn’t prepared.  But teaching my kids about the season of GIVING rather than receiving is still important to me, so I plan to resurrect my toilet paper roll calendar, just a few days late.

 After last year’s attempt, I do know some changes I will need to make.  My kids do not like to be put on the spot.  So anything that required them to do something in front of people (taping the popcorn to the Redbox machine, for example) didn’t work out as I expected.  We definitely like the more incognito Random Acts of Kindness.

One thing that was a huge success and really affected my kids, and they still talk about it to this day, was helping with the holiday toy coalition.  We had to fill boxes with wish list items for kids who are less fortunate.  I wasn’t sure if my kids would get anything out of it, but it really had an impact on them.  I am definitely going to be looking for something similar to do in the next few weeks.

And if you are struggling with ideas yourself, check out some of these resources:

25 Gifts of Kindness Facebook page – started by my friend, Ashley, and more for the Northern VA/Loudoun County area, but many other awesome ideas that have no boundaries.

www.randomactsofkindness.org – This is actually where I first heard of the whole Random Acts of Kindness movement.  Kindness is not seasonal, it should be year-round!

Monkee See-Monkee Do – Started by my friend at Momastery, making a big impact on the world.

As we do our Random Acts of Kindness this season, I’ll try to post what we do and how it turned out.  And please let us know what you plan on doing to GIVE this season!

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Flying through the air with the greatest of ease a daring young woman on the flying trapeze… ok so I’m not really young or on a trapeze…

by Deena on December 3, 2012

So did you know that we can now call hanging around in a hammock swinging back and forth a form of exercise? Yes… I promise… really. Let me explain~

I personally had never heard of aerial yoga until my friend Leigh put out a call to friends to see if anyone wanted to go with her to try out this new class. Leigh has had issues over the years with her sciatic nerve and had heard that aerial yoga might help to relieve lower back pain. While formal scientific studies are still underway, the thought is that by using zero-compression inversions you can stretch out the spine with little to no impact… thus relieving pain.

Now I personally don’t suffer from lower back pain but I am always looking to try something new when it comes to exercising… I find that changing it up keeps me motivated and from becoming bored with any one thing. So the 4 of us (yes Leigh was able to convince 2 other brave friends to join us)… headed to Vertical Girl Fitness in Warrenton VA.

So I will admit it’s a little shocking when you first walk in. All around you are the large silk (they probably aren’t silk but they feel like it) sheets hanging in a loop from the ceiling. The first thing you think is there is no way that sheet is going to hold me. Which one of us commented to the instructor who quickly smiled and said “well it holds up to 1000 pounds, I think the whole class could pile into one and we’d still have room left on the weight limit”.

hammocks

 

So we all go stand next to a hammock (the sheets) and the instructor comes around to verify that they are the right height for us… adjusting them up or down as needed. Next we learn how to shake out our hammocks and hop on into it.

Deena in the hammock

 

For the next hour I think we all giggled our way through the class.. We started with some meditation and deep breaths in order to ground ourselves but honestly I was too busy thinking about what was coming up next to be too mindful. I’m pretty sure there were talks of a small gurgling stream, deep breaths, and finding inner peace. At this point I’m not taking the class seriously – anyone who knows me, knows that unless I’m sweating and my muscles are aching I don’t really feel like I’m exercising… so my mind is wandering…

But then things start to get interesting… very quickly it goes from calming breaths to ok we are going to twist this cloth around your body and you are going to hang upside down and perform various yoga poses. This is when small bouts of terror hit you… holy crap if I don’t do this correctly I’m going down.. and most likely onto my head.

But then you’ve got the instructor with her calming voice walking you through each step of the way… coming by to support you while you perform an inverted pose that you previously would have told her she was crazy if she thought you were doing that. But then you see others in the class going for it.. so suddenly there you are hanging upside down 3 feet off the floor. And you realize the only thing stopping you was fear so you quickly let go of that.

the instructor in a pose with Julie and I hamming for the camera

 

Now, I won’t say all the poses are comfortable but I will say nothing hurts… There is an ache in some of the poses that I’m likening to what it feels like when you get a deep tissue massage. Where they are pushing on that pressure point and it feels uncomfortable but not painful… And when you come out of the pose you are a bit euphoric that it is done. And your body feels somewhat lighter.

Of the group of us that went to that first class, 3 of us have continued taking class. I won’t speak for the others but I will explain why I will continue to take this class. The class is a beginner aerial yoga class on Friday nights and it is late enough that I can get there after work. By the end of the week, my whole body feels tense and my shoulders feel like they are up around my ears from being hunched over a computer all week. Leaving the aerial yoga class I feel stretched out, relaxed and ready to enjoy the weekend with my family. It’s like the little gift I give myself after a hard week at work.

Leigh, Julie, and Kirsten posing after class

 

Thank you Leigh for letting me share part of your story. Leigh is a stay at home mother of 3, college student working on her career, and the owner of Take 2 Cakes & Cookies (which while I may be partial, has amazing tasting goodies).

Oh one thing I forgot to mention… so after the aerial yoga class our instructor proceeds to take us into the other part of the studio and show us around. Apparently they have pole dancing, hula hoop dancing, chair dancing and will soon be bringing on lyra (aerial hoop) classes. I’m pretty sure I’ll be signing up for at least one lyra class to fulfill my dream of performing in Circus Soleil. You can check out the studio’s website here: http://www.verticalgirlfitness.com/ On a last note, the classes that you would think are female only are… others like the yoga & lyra classes are open to both sexes.

Happy Flying.

 

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Happy Halloweenie…

by Deena on October 31, 2012

I don’t know about y’all but I love Halloween right up until I have to try and convince two wild boys hopped up on sugary goods that its time to go to bed.

“No more candy, it’s time for bed.”

“Just one more piece?”   “No it’s TIME for bed”

“What about this one?”  No.

Can I have gum? That’s not candy.  ” No,  JUST GO TO BED”

“Can I have candy tommorrow?”   “Yes, if you go to bed!”

“Daddy, Mommy said I could have can have candy when I wake up”

“sigh…”

 

(Photo: Angela’s boys)

(In order to not create complete chaos in the universe – it’s always best to pair the villain with your favorite superhero. Keeps everything nice and balanced.)

 

(Photo: Deena’s boys)


(Yes, the oldest created his own costume.  As an afterthought, we realized he was walking around all night with LMFAO in big bold letters on his sweatshirt, that he created himself.  Hope the neighbors realize he was referencing the band and not making a statement.  We may need to monitor his creativity in the future.)

 

 

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Paleo(h) Epic Fail

by Angela on October 26, 2012

I thought maybe if I didn’t say anything, no one would ask how the Paleo thing was going.  And if no one asked, then I wouldn’t have to tell, and all would soon be forgotten.  But no such luck. 

I admit, I didn’t just slip off the Paleo diet….I fell face first.  I didn’t mean for that happen.  I stuck with it for a week.  It was a struggle, but I lost a few pounds (how could you not on mostly fruit and veggies?!).  Then I had a wedding to go to.  Not just any wedding, a wedding for my Vietnamese cousin, complete with Asian cuisine. Uh, no way I was missing out on that!  But that was just going to be my one cheat day.  Just one.

Then it became “just the weekend”.  Then I was closing in on my first charity golf tournament (more on that in a separate post) and had no time to plan meals.  So now we’re at a week of being off Paleo.  Then I got a sinus infection and I had no energy to plan meals, plus all I wanted was comfort foods.  Do you see where this is going?

Sure I omitted carbs here and there at dinner and even made a couple recipes for Paleo muffins to eat for breakfast, but if I wanted chips, I ate chips.  If I wanted some pasta, I ate pasta.  Just last night we had rice…white rice (gasp).  So it hasn’t been pretty.  I’m either all the way in or all the way out it seems.

Here is what made it hard staying Paleo:

It takes planning.  There is no throwing together a one-dish pasta meal.  You can’t make a quick sandwich for lunch.  And if you’re hungry for a snack, you need to have fruits and nuts and veggies around the house or you will starve.  Between the golf tournament and being sick, I didn’t have the time or energy to plan.

I never felt satisfied.  I think because I wasn’t planning my food out as well as I should have, I was constantly scrambling to eat something that didn’t break the rules and if I couldn’t find anything I just wouldn’t eat at all.  And that left me hungry (duh) and just not satisfied.  I needed more hearty meals but I didn’t prepare well enough for them.

Too many unsure rules.  This was probably the biggest frustration for me.  I’ve always been a rule-follower.  I was a goody-goody and teacher’s pet growing up (do not mistake this with being a kiss-ass….I was just a good student :-) ).  I’ve never received a traffic ticket in my life (watch me get one tomorrow).  I obey the speed limit within 5 or 10 mph.  I’m just a good citizen.  So if I have to follow rules for a “diet” I need to know them well, know WHY they exist and I don’t like to deter.

So I’m at book club one day during my one week on the diet and my girlfriends start asking me questions.  Can you eat this? Why can’t you eat that?  And I struggled answering their questions.  It made me realize I didn’t know what I was doing and I hated that feeling.  I felt like a poser.  Top that off with me coaching a kids running program in our neighborhood and one day at practice lecturing the kids about how they should fill half their plate with fruits and vegetables and drink plenty of water.  This falls into the category of do as I say and not as I do.  Sigh.

So here’s my conclusion for myself.  Paleo has a great premise for me to follow.  I need to eat more fruits and vegetables with a protein on the side.  Cutting out processed foods, especially refined sugars, should be something I strive toward on a daily basis.  But I also don’t want to feel like I am on a diet.  So I’ll still drink my coffee in the morning with a touch of agave.  I’ll still eat quinoa which some people say is paleo and some say is not.  I’ll still use my oil-based salad dressing because at least I’m eating a salad.  And if every once in a while I’d like to throw in a healthy carb, I’ll throw in a healthy carb.  But I don’t want to restrict myself to the point of feeling “trapped”. 

So I’d like to consider myself part of a pseudo-Paleo lifestyle and maybe that’s something I can live with….hopefully live longer with, right?  But right now I’m taking my youngest to Sweet Frog and I just may have myself some Dulche de Leche with chocolate chips.  I did say pseudo, didn’t I? 

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Let me take you on a journey

by Angela on October 10, 2012

This is not the fantastic voyage.  This isn’t a journey for the faint of heart.  This isn’t a journey that will take you to majestic views with wind in your hair and sunlight on your face.  I am going to take you on a journey into a breast MRI machine…a contraption that I truly believe must have been designed by a man. There is no other explanation.

mri

Please note, this is my journey.  Every journey could be slightly different.

So, you start in a closet where you are asked to remove everything but your skivvies.  Gown on, open in the front.  In my particular case, this closet was right by the door of the waiting room, where I believe everyone could hear all about my business through the paper-thin doors.  Lovely.

Your journey then takes you padding down the hallway into a white hospital room with the round tube-like MRI machine,  just like something straight out of every hospital show on TV.  There’s a huge window with “blinds” where the nurses can watch you from the comforts of a nice cushy seat where they can wiggle and move in any position they like while you lay completely immobile…in your skivvies.

For the breast MRI, you crawl up as gracefully as you can in a hospital gown onto the bed (table?) into a kneeling position.  In front of you are two square holes….square.  Last I checked, ta-tas are ROUND, but no you must place your ta-tas into the square holes, with a nice “pad” positioned in the middle.  Face down please onto the face pad that is like those you find at a spa when you get a massage.  Only you are quickly reminded you are not getting a massage.

The nurses proceed to position your ta-tas for you because you didn’t quite get them in the squares properly.  Imagine that.  Your arms are placed up and out in front of you, sort of like you are on a roller coaster, a face-down roller coaster.  Ear plugs are inserted into your ears to block out the knocking sound of the MRI machine and you are asked, “are you comfortable to lay like this for about 45 minutes?”  Really?

But you think, okay, I can do this.  It’s not so bad.  I’m comfortable given the circumstances; let’s get this party started.  And away you go into the tube.

If you open your eyes, instead of seeing the floor, you can eerily see the wall in front of you with the large observation window and the door, through which you long to escape.  I figure since I can see the nurses, they must be able to see me.  And it must be even more eerie for them if my eyes are open looking at them.  So I close my eyes.

The nurse is able to talk to you through a speaker and she tells you the first test runs for about 1 minute.  Easy peasy, 1 minute.  The machine whirs and clicks around you and after 1 minute you hear the nurse’s comforting voice telling you you’re doing great, stay still (as if you have a choice).  But okay, gotcha.

The next test runs for 4-1/2 minutes.  Okay, that’s a bit longer, but you put your big girl panties on this morning so this is no problem.  The cheerleader in your head gives you a rah-rah, you can do it and the machine begins to whir.

The first loud sound I can only describe as something similar to the emergency signal that comes on the TV when there is a tornado warning.  Then the same sound comes in a bunch of short bursts that eventually sounds like someone hammering away at a nail.  But that 4-1/2 minutes goes by and whew, you made it.

Nice, comforting nurse says you’re doing great, the next test will be another 4-1/2 minutes and you say okay.  It is the LONGEST 4-1/2 MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE.  And this is when things start to go downhill.  The nice, comforting voice of the nurse starts to piss you off and you no longer are replying to her comforting words.  You just want to get this over with.

Remember how you thought you were “comfortable”?  It takes less than 10 minutes to realize you really aren’t.  Your back starts to hurt, your arms start to fall asleep, your shoulders are tight, the “pad” between your ta-tas is no longer padded, the pressure on your face is making your sinuses scream, and you have an itch somewhere.  It doesn’t matter where, but you have an itch.  It doesn’t go away and you try to slowly wiggle to scratch it.  It’s like ancient Chinese torture or something.

This goes on for almost thirty, long minutes.  I happen to have crappy veins so with about 10 minutes left, the nurse comes back in and pulls me out of the machine to give me an IV with contrast that needs to run through my veins for the remainder of the test.  Some people will have this done before entering the MRI room, but my veins were being shy, so they warmed them up during the first 30 minutes of the test.  The worst part was, once I was out of the machine, my body was screaming at me to get up but I could not move.  Any movement would have screwed up the test and I would have had to come back and do it all over again.  So.  Do.  Not.  Move.

So contrast pumping through veins and back in the tube for the final 10 minutes.  I actually counted to 60 ten times to get me through that last 10 minutes, no joke.  And then…..it’s over.

Disoriented, dizzy and with arms on pins and needles, you are helped down gracefully from the bed, gown flapping open here and there, led to the escape door and your journey has ended.  Wasn’t that fun?  I won’t be buying another ticket for this trip for a while hopefully.

I realize I have tried to bring some humor to this experience, but do know I take it very seriously.  This was not an easy appointment for me. I found myself tearing up while I was laying there just HATING that I had to go through it.  MRIs are done all the time for various reasons, but knowing WHY I was there is what made it tough.  But you do what you have to do in order to take care of your health.

It’s Breast Cancer Awareness month.  Get your mammograms, ladies.  Now that is another journey!

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Paleo(h) what am I getting myself into?

by Angela on October 2, 2012

I’ve done the 1-month vegetarian challenge.   I’ve done the 3-day juice cleanse.  It’s about time I take on another challenge to up my health game a bit. 

Enter the 1-month unprocessed food challenge (insert announcer echoes here ). 

But that’s not all…I’m also challenging myself to eat a Paleo diet on top of this, but it’s really one in the same.  Let me explain.  The basis of the Paleo diet is to bring us “back to our roots” in regards to our eating habits.  The Paliolithic Era spanned 2.5 million years and ended about 10,000 years ago with the development of agriculture.  That’s when some die-hard Paleos believe it all started going downhill for us.  Food started getting processed and the introduction of modern science began entering the foods we eat, and therefore entering our bodies.  I’m not sure what I believe as far as processed foods, however I believe that something is causing all these diseases and allergies and intestinal problems.  And while some of it is surely environmental, why not try and eliminate the possibility of it being the crap we’re putting into our bodies?  It really makes sense if you think about it.  Our bodies were made a certain way many, many, many years ago (whatever your belief, I think we can all agree it was a long, long time ag0).  Our bodies are very well, oiled machines.  If you have doubts, think about the creation of life and what a woman’s body is capable of….enough said.  Our bodies are amazing.  So what’s causing it to fail us?   It has to be something that we are putting into our bodies…throwing a wrench into this well-oiled machine.  

But I’ll get off my soapbox and get back to the challenge.  So unprocessed foods….essentially anything we could reasonably make in our kitchen is unprocessed.  Look at the ingredients.  If you can make it in your kitchen, it should be good.  Another definition I saw is if you can pick it or kill it, it’s unprocessed.  A bit crude, but it works.  So yes, this is not a vegetarian challenge at all.  Grass-fed meats are perfectly acceptable.  Same for Paleo….our ancestors ate meats, so no need to give that up on this challenge (the hubby was extremely happy). 

Paleo eating also believes in removing common allergens from our diets, the biggest one being gluten.  So no bread products of any kind…no rice, no pasta, no wheat, no rye, yada, yada, yada.  It also discourages dairy, though eggs and butter are fine, as long as your body digests it okay.  So these few other “requirements” is where things get fuzzy for me.  Because there is gluten-free bread, right?  But I guess the idea is if you look at the ingredients, it’s not all unprocessed.  I don’t know, I’m still learning. 

But the whole reason I was introduced to this Paleo thing (I don’t like the word “diet”…how about Paleo “transformation”?) is because a good friend of mine started eating this way a few months ago.  And she looks fabulous and says she feels incredible too.  She was not an unhealthy person before, but whatever Paleo did for her, it compliments her, and she sings its praises.  So I thought, what the hay?   I’ll give it a try.  It’s not necessarily a diet (er, transformation) you keep for the rest of your life, but everything I’ve read says to give it 2-4 weeks and see how you feel.  If it works for you, then implement an 80-20 rule where 80% of your eating habits continue as is, and the other 20% allows for cheat days. 

So on day 1, I erred on the side of overly conservative with my eating, which may be why I found myself hungry and with a headache at the end of the day.  The headache could also very well be just my body recalibrating itself after a day of no refined sugar.  But I did notice I did not feel bloated or gassy at all.    My food intake was as such:

Breakfast – coffee with agave and unsweetened vanilla almond milk, banana, and a Lara bar (delicious with simple ingredients…must find bulk purchase option).

Lunch – baked sweet potato with butter and a little maple syrup and cinnamon.

Dinner – Pan-Roasted Chicken with Lemon-Garlic Green Beans minus the potatoes (meat-free Monday will have to happen another day this week). 

Snacks – plum, nuts, another Lara bar, Paleo-friendly muffins my friend made for me (yes, that was plural, thank you very much)

So we’ll see how this all goes.  1 day down, 30 to go!  Join me?  :-)

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Stupid Cancer

by Angela on September 18, 2012

I remember when my college best friend’s dad passed away several years ago, I heard her mom say that she was able to get through it by the grace of God.  That by knowing there was a greater reason things happen, gave her peace.  I truly believe things happen for a reason.  We may not know what that reason is right now, but it has gotten me through many moments in my life.

Like the past week.

Last week I had my annual gynecologist appointment.  Yes, it’s not something we talk about, but it’s something all us women go through (at least we should).  Well he found an “area of concern” near my original cancer site.  I can talk about it now because all is okay…didn’t want to put you all in suspense.  But for a few days leading up to my appointment with my breast surgeon, I wasn’t sure.  Logically it couldn’t have been anything.  My prognosis after all my treatments was good, I did everything I needed to do to keep the cancer from coming back and I was eating healthier and exercising more than I ever had.  But that small part of me (okay large part of me) that was worried overshadowed all of my positive thoughts.  A lot of “what if” scenarios ran through my head.

My parents went with me to the appointment today.  As much as the hubby wanted to come and as much as I wanted him there, it just made sense for him to stay home to pick up the kids from school.  He is my rock….literally too, like I mean he’s solid muscle like a rock, you can’t budge him.  Seriously though, if he couldn’t be there, my mom and dad were my close second and I am fortunate enough to have parents who would drop everything to come to my side. 

The drive to the hospital I was my usual, happy self.  I was cracking jokes, telling my parents about funny things the kids have done recently, and really just being positive.  But I’ve realized I do that sometimes to make a tense situation not so tense.  I just don’t want anyone to be uncomfortable.  So it really shocked me when we crowded into the elevator and I started getting anxious.  I felt claustrophobic and

could.

not.

breathe. 

As soon as we got off the elevator I broke down and started shaking.  Like shivering, cold shakes.  I’ve had a couple pretty emotional appointments in my life, all having to do with stupid cancer, but this was the first time I shook with fear.  I was scared to be back there, scared to find out I had cancer again, scared to think I would die and leave my children without a mom.  It seems silly now to think that, but  it’s hard not to think the worst when dealing with stupid cancer.

To make an already long story shorter than it could have been, the doctor ended up finding no areas of concern and truly believes it was swollen lymph nodes from this nasty virus I’ve had for a few weeks.  I will have a breast MRI in a couple weeks just to ease my mind (thank God) but I left there feeling so much better than when I came.

So I’m coming up on my four year survivor anniversary.  Every year I usually celebrate and tell the world (ie Facebook) that “It’s my cancer survivor anniversary!”, but this year I’m going to be quiet.  I will privately celebrate with my family (my rock of a husband always gets me flowers) but that’s it.  This year it doesn’t feel right to shout from the mountaintops.  I’ve attended two funerals this year (TWO!) as a result of stupid cancer.  I don’t  want to celebrate something that these two people will never be able to celebrate.  And I almost feel like I was getting too cocky with all my confidence about being healthy and surviving.  This little scare knocked me off my high horse and has made me realize I cannot take my health for granted. I have to be thankful every day.  This little scare was my “everything happens for a reason” moment this week.  The reason it happened was to make me stop and think, stop and take a look at my life and my health and be thankful and continue to do something to make it better.  Continue to do something to make someone else’s life better. 

So take that, stupid cancer!

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