I’m making a commitment to document again. I don’t say “write” because I’m not a writer. But I haven’t documented in a while because I keep discouraging myself. So this documentation is for me. It’s my motivator to get healthy.

I stopped posting things on this blog because it made me feel insufficient and incompetent. I’d post about something I was starting to do, or planned on doing, and I’d never follow through. I became a person of words but no actions, and it was making me feel a bit like a failure and a poser. So I stopped posting…a LONG time ago. But I’m going to try and use this blog to motivate me to follow through with things. Hopefully it works!

I need motivation, not just for my physical health, but my mental health as well. Overall health isn’t just about exercise and eating right. It’s taking care of the body and the mind. I lost focus on both of those things:

Physical health – I stopped exercising. I kept making up excuses and not finding the time. Last summer I didn’t want to take time for myself while the kids were home from school but then school started and I had to catch up on work that was neglected over the summer. Then the holidays came and it got cold and snowy and I never wanted to go out. Then spring came and I was busy with the kids or keeping up with work. Then end of school activities took up my time followed by vacation, and here I am a year later in a downward spiral. Excuses. I have no energy to get moving, but I won’t increase my energy unless I start pushing myself to exercise. It’s a vicious cycle.

I also stopped eating right.  Spring 2015 I started this protein diet that my husband was following. It seemed counter-productive because I was eating ALL the time. But I was eating RIGHT and it worked!  I was getting in shape again, building muscle and increasing my energy. But then I stopped. I gave myself permission to fall off the diet during vacation, and I never started back up again. I don’t eat horribly, but I definitely have cheat meals, cheat snacks and cheat days, a lot more than I should. We recently got back from a Disney vacation where I ate Mickey ice cream bars every day, and had a soda with almost every meal. Even my son asked, “why are drinking soda all the time lately?”  Busted.

Mental health – I don’t feel peaceful. I don’t know how else to describe it.  I feel overwhelmed with things to do. I have my bookkeeping business and help run a charity organization, on top of my priority job of stay-at-home mom. My house feels cluttered and disorganized and just not the peaceful abode I’d like. A friend’s dad said you should spend a certain percentage of your home value on home improvements every year. I’m pretty sure that percentage is not 0.001%, which is about what we have spent per year in the 13 years we’ve lived in the house. I feel like I need to get my life in order, and a simple start would be tackling some home improvement projects. Of course just thinking about where to begin is stressful in and of itself. Every single room in our house needs something fixed or updated.

But here I go. I’ll try to document this roller coaster of real life health ups and downs. Hopefully I don’t give up again.  Off to the gym….wish me luck!

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